A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window.

The bee said, 'What seems to be the problem?'

'I'm out of gas,' the man replied.

The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out.

'Try it now,' said one bee.

The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up. 'Wow!' the man exclaimed, 'what did you put in my gas tank'?


The bee answered,




Wait for it. wait for it..


You're just gonna love this..




Bee Pee

This ought to make you feel better about your computer skills! If you skip any, you have to read the last one! Unbelievable, but supposedly all true!!!!


Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...

= = = = = = = = = =

Customer: Hi, this is Maureen. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No , wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....

= = = = = = = = = =

Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

= = = = = = = = = =

Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on 'start' for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.

= = = = = = = = = =

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

= = = = = = = = = =

Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....... ......... ....thank you.

= = = = = = = = = =

Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at Woolies.

= = = = = = = = = =

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer:! OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...

= = = = = = = = = =

Tech support: Your password is the small letter 'a' as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters ?

= = = = = = = = = =

Customer: can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.

= = = = = = = = = =

Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

= = = = = = = = = =

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

= = = = = = = = = =

Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

= = = = = = = = = =

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: 'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.'

= = = = = = = = = =

And last but not least...

Tech support: 'Okay Colin, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.'
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Colin.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: 'P'.....on your keyboard, Colin.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!

A female TV reporter went to have an interview with a farmer, seeking the main cause of Mad Cow disease .......

Lady: Good evening Sir, we are here to collect information about the reason that causes Mad Cow Disease. Do you have any idea what might be the reason ?

The Farmer stared at the reporter and said, "Do you know that the bull screws the cow once a year ? "

The Lady ( getting embarrassed ) :"Well sir, that's a new piece of information. But what is the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow Disease ? "

The Farmer: "Well Madam, do you know that we milk the cow four times a day ? "

The Lady: " Yes! But can you come to the point please ? "

The Farmer: "I am getting to the point Madam ........ Just imagine ........ If I was playing with your breasts, four times a day and screwing you ........ ONLY ........ Once a year, would you also not get mad ? "

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.

The first man had married a woman from New Delhi , and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning.

He said it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were done.

The second man had married a woman from Mumbai.

He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking.

On the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a Punjabi girl. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal.

He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye.

Prince Charles & Sardarji were having dinner.
Prince said, "Pass the wine you divine".
Sardar thinks "how poetic"
Sardar says, "pass the custard you bastard".

Sardar at bar in New York.
Man on his right says "Johny Walker single"
Man on his left says "Peter Scotch single"
Sardar says - "Baljith Singh Married"

Boss : am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it o.k
Sardar : U R great sir! Starting salary is o.k.......but??
how much is DRIVING salary...?

Sardar's theory : Moon is more impt than Sun, coz it gives light at
night when light is needed & Sun gives light during the day when light
is not needed!!!

2 sardars are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the
other to check whether its working, he puts his head out and says
YES...NO...YES...NO...YES...NO...

Sardar shouting 2 his girl friend " u said v will do register marriage
and cheated me, I was waiting 4 u yesterday whole day in the post
office....

Sardar is in a dissection class of cockroach. He cuts its 1 leg, and
says, "chal", it walks.
He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said, "chal" , it walks.
He cuts all the legs and said, "chal...." Finally he wrote the conclusion......
...... "after all the legs of a cockroach are cut - it becomes deaf......"

A Tamilian call up sardar and asks " tamil therima??"
Sardar got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!"

2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....

A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective.
Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?
Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating.......

A sardar for an exam had studied only one essay 'FRIEND', but in the
exam the essay which came was 'FATHER' . he replaced friend with father
in the essay and>it read: AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS,
SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE
FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.

Interviewar: what s ur qualification?
Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.
Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?
Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY....

Amitab : In which state Cauvery flows?
Sardar: liquid state.....
Audience clapped.. Amitab stunned, looks behind, ALL WERE SARDARS

1. If time doesn't wait for you, don't worry!
Just remove the damn battery from the clock and Enjoy life!

2. Expecting the world to treat u fairly coz u r a good person is like expecting the lion not to attack u coz u r a vegetarian.
Think about it.

3. Beauty isn't measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear, but what we are inside.
So, try going out naked tomorrow and see the admiration!

4. Don't walk as if you rule the world, walk as if you don't care who rules the world!
That's called Attitude…! Keep on rocking!

5. Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did
and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did!!!

6. He was a good man. He never smoked, drank had no affair. When he died, the insurance company refused the claim.
They said , he who never lived, cannot die!

7. A man threw his wife in a pond of Crocodiles?
He's now being harassed by the Animal Rights Activists for being cruel to the Crocodiles!

8. So many options for suicide:

Poison, sleeping pills, hanging,
jumping from a building, lying on train tracks,
but we chose Marriage, slow sure!

9. Only 20 percent boys have brains, rest have girlfriends!

10. All desirable things in life are either illegal, banned, expensive or married to someone else!

12. When things go wrong, when sadness fills your heart, When tears flows from your eyes always say these words…
"chal daru la"…bring booze..sure helps!

13. 10% of road accidents are due to drunken driving.
Which makes it a logical statement that 90% of accidents are due to driving without drinking!

A for apple.

B for bada apple.

C for chhota apple.

D for dusra apple.

E for ek aur apple.

F for fokat ka apple.

G for gol apple.

H for hazar apple

I for itney saarey apple?

J for jaao nahi khaana hai apple

K for kaise nahi khaayengey apple

L for lena padhega tumko apple

M for mujhe nahi chahiye itne apple

N for naa nahi kehtey kyunkey yeh hai apple

O for Oh to tumne khaa daale yeh saare apple

P for peth bhar Ke khaao apple

Q for qismat mein nahi hoti hai sabke, yeh apple

R for roz agar khaao tum apple

S for sehetmand rahoge khaaogey agar tum apple

T for tumko nahi milengey itney achey apple

U for udhaar kii nahi hai yeh apple

V for very tasty hai yeh apple

W for waste na karo time aur khaalo jaldi se apple

X for X'mas mei bhii khane padenge apple

Y for youn na chehra phero dekhkey apple

Z for zaroor dil bhar gaya hoga khake itne saare apple

Note: This is not a nursery rhyme and should not be used as one too. This is just a time past article.

HE: I'm a photographer I've been looking for a face like yours!
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours

HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?
SHE: No, I'd like to have some pleasure too !

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must have been given your share !

HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend !

HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out!
SHE: Okay, get out!

HE: I think I could make you very happy
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!

HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why, don't you already have one?

HE: Shall we go and see a film?
SHE: I've already seen it!

HE: Do you think it was fate that brought us together?
SHE: Nah, it was plain bad luck !

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.

HE: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
SHE: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down .

HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I'm a female impersonator.

HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.

SO BEWARE OF WHAT YOU ASK FOR !!!

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe. 5000 candidates assembled in a large room.

One candidate is Santa Singh an Indian (Punjabi) guy.

Bill Gates thanked all the candidates for coming and asking those who do not know JAVA program to leave. 2000 people leave the room. Santa says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try'.

Bill Gates asked the candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people to leave. 2000 people leave the room. Santa says to himself ' I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?' So he stays.

Then Bill Gates asked candidates who do not have management diplomas to leave. 500 people leave the room. Santa says to himself, 'I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?' So he stays in the room.

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo - Croat to leave. 498 people leave the room. Santa says to himself, ' I do not speak one word of Serbo - Croat but what do I have to lose?' So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate.

Everyone else has gone. Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo - Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.' Calmly, Santa turns to the other candidate and says

'Hor Phaphe ki haal chaal?.'

The other candidate answers

'O Vadiya veere, tu Sunna'

When things go wrong,
When sadness fills your heart,
When tears flow in your eyes,



Just let me know...........
I want to be there for you,
BECAUSE

... .... . . . . .. .. .. . . . ... .... . . . . .. .. .. . . .
... .... . . . . .. .. .... .... . . . . .. .. .. . . .
... .... . . . . .. .. .. . . . ... .... . . . . .. .. .. . . .
... .... . . . . .. .. .... .... . . . . .. .. .. . . .


My cousin is selling Tissue Paper...
Buy 1, Get 1 Free!

An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the World. So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to China.

On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he Noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read "$10,000 per call". The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what The telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God.

The American thanked the priest and went along his way.

Next stop was in Japan . There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the Same golden telephone with the same sign under it.

He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in China and He asked a nearby nun what its purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 He Could talk to God.

"O.K., thank you," said the American.

He then traveled to Pakistan , Srilanka , Russia , Germany and France .

In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same "$10,000 Per call" sign under it. The American, upon leaving Vermont decided to travel to up to Nepal to See if Nepalese had the same phone.

He arrived in Nepal , and again, in the first church he entered, there was the same golden telephone, but this s time the sign under it read "One Rupee per call."

The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. "Father, I've traveled all over World and I've seen this same golden Telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, But in rest of the world price was $10,000 per call.

Why is it so cheap here?"

Readers, it is your turn........ Think ....before you scroll down...

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............ .......... .......... .......... ........ ......

............ .......... ........... ........... ........ ......

............. ......... ......... .......... .......... ......

............ ......... ........ ......... ......... ......

............ ........ ......... ......... ........ .......


............ ......... ......... ........ ......... ........

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.............. ........ ......... .......... ........ ......

............... .......... .......... ......... ........ ......

............. ............ .......... ........ ........ ......


The priest smiled and answered, "You're in Nepal now, Son - it's a Local Call". This is the only heaven on the Earth.

KEEP SMILING :)

Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.

Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.

Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.

Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, aborts, retry, and cancel.

Wife - hae bhagwan! Forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.

Wife - at least give me your credit card, I can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.

Wife - I made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.

Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.

Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.

Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.

Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.

Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.

Wife - I will go to my dad's house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close.

Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.

Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.

Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer

LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

**********

LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

**********

LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR : After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

**********

LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

**********

LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

**********

BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

**********

LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

**********

LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!

**********

LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

**********

THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.

*********

LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

David Bissonette

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

Sacha Guitry

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.

Anonymous

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?

Dumas

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

Sigmund Freud

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."

Anonymous

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."

Sam Kinison

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."

James Holt McGavra

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

Patrick Murra

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...

Nash

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

Anonymous

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

Henny Youngman

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Rodney Dangerfield

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

Anonymous

You Know You Are a Nepali When.....*

You think Mustang is the name of a place.

You look up when you hear an airplane.

You point with your lips or with your middle finger.

Whenever you meet someone you ask, 'Have you had your food?' ( bhat khayao?)

You meet someone in a movie hall and ask, ' Have you come to watch a movie?' (cinema herna ayeko?)

You call all action movies ' action pacck'

You meet an elder and he/she asks you, 'When did you come back?'

You know the three Ds of partying. i.e- dance, drink and dangdung (fist/khukuri fight).

You think all festivals mean relatives playing cards and getting drunk.

You cannot drink without chicken chilly and momos.

You think chicken chilly and momo are nepali food.

You are crossing a one way street and you have to check both sides. ( daya ani baya )

You get annoyed when people think you are from Naples.

Your relatives give you money whenever you visit them. ( even when you are 40)

When you see a pair of slippers upside down (ulta chappal) you have to turn it around.

You don't cut your nails at night. (alas the devil might take You and your family)

You feel you havent eaten if you havent had Bhath (rice).

You laugh at everything on Nepali TV but you still watch it.

You dont know that the buff you have been eating is actually short for buffalo.

You have been dragged to a mandir on saraswati puja so that you will get good grades.

You are not allowed to hum or sing while eating.

Your grandmum doesnt let you whislle at night.

You cant date someone if you are not in love.

You have a problem following rules and standing in line.

You call anyone rajesh hamal(famous Nepali Actor) if he has a long back-hair.

You wait for someone going 'tinaa-falaam-boraa-botttle' when you have loads of beer cans and bottles,

You watch Korean movie and try to act like one,

You miss those mountains you used to see the moment you opened your eyes in the morning..

You go out for lunch/ dinner/ whatever in a group and look at the menu for half an hour and order the following:

1. momo

2. chowmein

3. fried rice

4. chicken chilli

You think of titaura and your saliva glands go wild!!

You think Toyota Corrolla is the no.1 car in the world!

You can sing this song... 'super top, ma hun super top... ma luga lai seto paarchu...'

You miss mango tart, wai wai, rara and hatichap chappal..

You are good at drunk driving, especially on motorcycles...

-your conversation with any Nepali you just met always ends up being an interview to unearth the degree of association with this person. (eh...Ghar ka?? Lazimpat? Tyeso bhaye timile xyz lai chinchhau??)

- 90% of the time you end up knowing someone who knows someone who knows the person.

- The remaining 10% of the time the person is your relative.

- You owned a dog, or knew of a dog named Tiger.

- you think cats are evil.

- you feel obligated to pay for everyone else when eating out with your friends.

- you get a kick out revealing to some of your American friends that Kathmandu is actually a real place and not just a word invented to mean in the middle of nowhere (as in 'from Katmandu to Timbuktu')

- you didn't know Timbuktu was a real place in Mali, Africa.

- your American friends ask you if you have climbed mount Everest.

- you probably haven't even seen mount Everest.

- your favorite Hollywood actress used to be Phoebe Cates

- you pronounce Phoebe Cates as 'fobee cyats'

- You go crazy if you can't blow on your fingers after you touch your neck.Or who ever's 4. fingers that touches your neck. (Natra Gaand aunchha kya)

- You drive your friends crazy by touching their neck and running away before they can blow.

- You think you're better than Indians.

- you dislike India but can't live without their food and their movies.

- you pretend you can't speak Hindi.

- you think you don't have an indian accent.

- You are afraid to step on any paper, or pen (You don't want to piss off Saraswati and flunk an exam).

- you love the pungent, fermented smell of pickled bamboo shoots (tama) and dried and aged vegetable leaves (gundruk) + you are drooling at the thought right now.

- 'Babu' or 'Naani' is the default nickname for all male & female kids in the family since the last 10 generations.