A woman went to police station to file a report for her missing husband:

Woman: I lost my husband
Inspector: What is his height
Woman: I never noticed
Inspector: Slim or healthy
Woman Not slim can be healthy
Inspector: Color of eyes
Woman: Never noticed
Inspector: Color of hair
Woman: Should be black
Inspector: What was he wearing
Woman: I don't remember exactly
Inspector: Was somebody with him ?????????

Woman: Yes my Labrador dog (Romeo), tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together.

The woman started crying

Inspector: Let's search for the dog first!!!!!!! !!!!!!

A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window.

The bee said, 'What seems to be the problem?'

'I'm out of gas,' the man replied.

The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out.

'Try it now,' said one bee.

The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up. 'Wow!' the man exclaimed, 'what did you put in my gas tank'?


The bee answered,




Wait for it. wait for it..


You're just gonna love this..




Bee Pee

This ought to make you feel better about your computer skills! If you skip any, you have to read the last one! Unbelievable, but supposedly all true!!!!


Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...

= = = = = = = = = =

Customer: Hi, this is Maureen. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No , wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....

= = = = = = = = = =

Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

= = = = = = = = = =

Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on 'start' for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.

= = = = = = = = = =

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

= = = = = = = = = =

Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....... ......... ....thank you.

= = = = = = = = = =

Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at Woolies.

= = = = = = = = = =

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer:! OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...

= = = = = = = = = =

Tech support: Your password is the small letter 'a' as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters ?

= = = = = = = = = =

Customer: can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.

= = = = = = = = = =

Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

= = = = = = = = = =

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

= = = = = = = = = =

Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

= = = = = = = = = =

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: 'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.'

= = = = = = = = = =

And last but not least...

Tech support: 'Okay Colin, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.'
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Colin.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: 'P'.....on your keyboard, Colin.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!

A female TV reporter went to have an interview with a farmer, seeking the main cause of Mad Cow disease .......

Lady: Good evening Sir, we are here to collect information about the reason that causes Mad Cow Disease. Do you have any idea what might be the reason ?

The Farmer stared at the reporter and said, "Do you know that the bull screws the cow once a year ? "

The Lady ( getting embarrassed ) :"Well sir, that's a new piece of information. But what is the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow Disease ? "

The Farmer: "Well Madam, do you know that we milk the cow four times a day ? "

The Lady: " Yes! But can you come to the point please ? "

The Farmer: "I am getting to the point Madam ........ Just imagine ........ If I was playing with your breasts, four times a day and screwing you ........ ONLY ........ Once a year, would you also not get mad ? "

A for apple.

B for bada apple.

C for chhota apple.

D for dusra apple.

E for ek aur apple.

F for fokat ka apple.

G for gol apple.

H for hazar apple

I for itney saarey apple?

J for jaao nahi khaana hai apple

K for kaise nahi khaayengey apple

L for lena padhega tumko apple

M for mujhe nahi chahiye itne apple

N for naa nahi kehtey kyunkey yeh hai apple

O for Oh to tumne khaa daale yeh saare apple

P for peth bhar Ke khaao apple

Q for qismat mein nahi hoti hai sabke, yeh apple

R for roz agar khaao tum apple

S for sehetmand rahoge khaaogey agar tum apple

T for tumko nahi milengey itney achey apple

U for udhaar kii nahi hai yeh apple

V for very tasty hai yeh apple

W for waste na karo time aur khaalo jaldi se apple

X for X'mas mei bhii khane padenge apple

Y for youn na chehra phero dekhkey apple

Z for zaroor dil bhar gaya hoga khake itne saare apple

Note: This is not a nursery rhyme and should not be used as one too. This is just a time past article.

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe. 5000 candidates assembled in a large room.

One candidate is Santa Singh an Indian (Punjabi) guy.

Bill Gates thanked all the candidates for coming and asking those who do not know JAVA program to leave. 2000 people leave the room. Santa says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try'.

Bill Gates asked the candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people to leave. 2000 people leave the room. Santa says to himself ' I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?' So he stays.

Then Bill Gates asked candidates who do not have management diplomas to leave. 500 people leave the room. Santa says to himself, 'I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?' So he stays in the room.

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo - Croat to leave. 498 people leave the room. Santa says to himself, ' I do not speak one word of Serbo - Croat but what do I have to lose?' So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate.

Everyone else has gone. Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo - Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.' Calmly, Santa turns to the other candidate and says

'Hor Phaphe ki haal chaal?.'

The other candidate answers

'O Vadiya veere, tu Sunna'

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table saying,

"For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish."

"Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband," said the wife.

The fairy waved her magic wand and -- poof! Two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands. The husband thought for a moment, and then said, "Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again.

I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me." The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.

So the fairy waved her magic wand and -- poof!

The husband became 92 years old.

The moral of this story:

Men who are ungrateful b_____s should remember fairies are female....:-)

Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.

Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.

Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.

Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, aborts, retry, and cancel.

Wife - hae bhagwan! Forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.

Wife - at least give me your credit card, I can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.

Wife - I made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.

Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.

Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.

Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.

Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.

Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.

Wife - I will go to my dad's house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close.

Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.

Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.

Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer

LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

**********

LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

**********

LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR : After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

**********

LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

**********

LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

**********

BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

**********

LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

**********

LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!

**********

LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

**********

THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.

*********

LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

You Know You Are a Nepali When.....*

You think Mustang is the name of a place.

You look up when you hear an airplane.

You point with your lips or with your middle finger.

Whenever you meet someone you ask, 'Have you had your food?' ( bhat khayao?)

You meet someone in a movie hall and ask, ' Have you come to watch a movie?' (cinema herna ayeko?)

You call all action movies ' action pacck'

You meet an elder and he/she asks you, 'When did you come back?'

You know the three Ds of partying. i.e- dance, drink and dangdung (fist/khukuri fight).

You think all festivals mean relatives playing cards and getting drunk.

You cannot drink without chicken chilly and momos.

You think chicken chilly and momo are nepali food.

You are crossing a one way street and you have to check both sides. ( daya ani baya )

You get annoyed when people think you are from Naples.

Your relatives give you money whenever you visit them. ( even when you are 40)

When you see a pair of slippers upside down (ulta chappal) you have to turn it around.

You don't cut your nails at night. (alas the devil might take You and your family)

You feel you havent eaten if you havent had Bhath (rice).

You laugh at everything on Nepali TV but you still watch it.

You dont know that the buff you have been eating is actually short for buffalo.

You have been dragged to a mandir on saraswati puja so that you will get good grades.

You are not allowed to hum or sing while eating.

Your grandmum doesnt let you whislle at night.

You cant date someone if you are not in love.

You have a problem following rules and standing in line.

You call anyone rajesh hamal(famous Nepali Actor) if he has a long back-hair.

You wait for someone going 'tinaa-falaam-boraa-botttle' when you have loads of beer cans and bottles,

You watch Korean movie and try to act like one,

You miss those mountains you used to see the moment you opened your eyes in the morning..

You go out for lunch/ dinner/ whatever in a group and look at the menu for half an hour and order the following:

1. momo

2. chowmein

3. fried rice

4. chicken chilli

You think of titaura and your saliva glands go wild!!

You think Toyota Corrolla is the no.1 car in the world!

You can sing this song... 'super top, ma hun super top... ma luga lai seto paarchu...'

You miss mango tart, wai wai, rara and hatichap chappal..

You are good at drunk driving, especially on motorcycles...

-your conversation with any Nepali you just met always ends up being an interview to unearth the degree of association with this person. (eh...Ghar ka?? Lazimpat? Tyeso bhaye timile xyz lai chinchhau??)

- 90% of the time you end up knowing someone who knows someone who knows the person.

- The remaining 10% of the time the person is your relative.

- You owned a dog, or knew of a dog named Tiger.

- you think cats are evil.

- you feel obligated to pay for everyone else when eating out with your friends.

- you get a kick out revealing to some of your American friends that Kathmandu is actually a real place and not just a word invented to mean in the middle of nowhere (as in 'from Katmandu to Timbuktu')

- you didn't know Timbuktu was a real place in Mali, Africa.

- your American friends ask you if you have climbed mount Everest.

- you probably haven't even seen mount Everest.

- your favorite Hollywood actress used to be Phoebe Cates

- you pronounce Phoebe Cates as 'fobee cyats'

- You go crazy if you can't blow on your fingers after you touch your neck.Or who ever's 4. fingers that touches your neck. (Natra Gaand aunchha kya)

- You drive your friends crazy by touching their neck and running away before they can blow.

- You think you're better than Indians.

- you dislike India but can't live without their food and their movies.

- you pretend you can't speak Hindi.

- you think you don't have an indian accent.

- You are afraid to step on any paper, or pen (You don't want to piss off Saraswati and flunk an exam).

- you love the pungent, fermented smell of pickled bamboo shoots (tama) and dried and aged vegetable leaves (gundruk) + you are drooling at the thought right now.

- 'Babu' or 'Naani' is the default nickname for all male & female kids in the family since the last 10 generations.